Hey,

I made a post on fedora magazine, and the preview is here:
- https://fedoramagazine.org/?p=35811&preview=true&preview_id=35811

There is still a lot to be done, but this is my first draft that I hope to work on in the coming week.

Kevin

Great @eonfge thanks for the update.

@rlengland I Think that it's done and I would ask you to move the issue into editing.

I'm a little unsure about the more zoomer-esk preview image. I asked around and I got positive responses, but it's not something that Fedora Magazine is known for. Should we be cool with the kids? Or is it just try-hard? Feel free to rip it out

@eonfge FWIW, it looks good to me. @rlengland do you want to take this one?

I have no problem with the feature image. I kinda like it.
However, (there's always a 'however') is there a chance that you can enlarge the image so it fills the 1890x800 more? I'm afraid that it won't show well when you look at the thumbnail that appears in several places.
I'll give it a more complete review real soon, and thanks.

@glb, I've got this one.

I made a more zoomed in version, and I'll give you the blender file to play around with as well.

@eonfge That look good. Thank you.

GNOME Software Center in 2012 link
https://blogs.gnome.org/hughsie/2012/06/04/offline-os-updates-looking-forward-to-gnome-3-6/
seems to be dead

In the "Closing words" section you said
"9 out of 10 times, it works all the time..." " 9 out of 10 times" is NOT "all the time" :smile: Can you, perhaps, reword that section? And maybe clarify what "it" is in the phrase. Is "it" live updates or Offline updates. I think I know but being explicit is best.

I made a few changes for clarity and punctuation but in general it looks pretty good. Please look it over and make certain I haven't changed your intent in any way. Then let us know when you have made your changes and we'll get this published for you.

Thanks again.

In the "Closing words" section you said
"9 out of 10 times, it works all the time..." " 9 out of 10 times" is NOT "all the time" 😄 Can you, perhaps, reword that section?

Mmh. It was actually a joke, like here in Anchorman: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pjvQFtlNQ-M

The joke is at the expense of the reader, because nobody thinks that the system will crash on him: It always happens to somebody else. I changed it, it's important that our language is unambiguous and conventional English, so that it's also approachable to non native English readers.

If a file being used by an application changes while the application is running the application doesn’t know about the change.

This paragraph feels a bit odd. In my native tongue, it would be common to add apostrophes like this:

If a file being used by an application changes, while the application is running, the application doesn’t know about the change.

What is best in International English?

That's it. Everything else looks good for publication. Would it be possible to publish on a week day? I would then be able to drum up some extra interest by posting it on various subreddits. I already prepared a meme for that backlash that I know will come...

https://i.imgur.com/YDNf9YU.jpg

When to use commas is a bit subjective. The general rule is "When in doubt, leave them out".

I found a decent guide to comma use here.

Excerpt:

However, don't put a comma after the main clause when a dependent (subordinate) clause follows it (except for cases of extreme contrast).

Since "while the application is running" appears to be a dependent/subordinate clause, I don't think a comma should be used before it. I.e.

If a file being used by an application changes, while the application is running, the application doesn’t know about the change.

Should be

If a file being used by an application changes while the application is running, the application doesn’t know about the change.

I think the second comma is appropriate because it is substituting for "then" in your if-x-then-y sentence. I.e.

If a file being used by an application changes while the application is running, the application doesn’t know about the change.

Could be written

If a file being used by an application changes while the application is running then the application doesn’t know about the change.

Also, I think the "then ..." clause of the statement should be worded in the future tense. I.e.

If a file being used by an application changes while the application is running then the application won't know about the change.

Just my 2¢.

@eonfge Thanks for the changes and review. I had not recalled that line out of Anchorman. I could see the humour in the line even without the reference but I could just see someone taking exception to it. Maybe I was editing too late in the day.

I've changed the future tense that @glb suggested. Commas? Well they are a mystery sometimes but I bow to his analysis :-)

The article is scheduled for publication 17 Jan (this coming Monday) morning.

Thanks for your effort. Good article.

I could see the humour in the line even without the reference but I could just see someone taking exception to it.

It was good to call it out. We shouldn't be needlessly confusing. Writing with humour is difficult when you deal with an international audience so I try to keep is grounded.

@glb Thanks for the comma-clarification

Ow, a colleague of mine spotted a rather glaring spelling error in the final paragraph.

Direct updates are a roll of the die

Should of cause be

Direct updates are a roll of the dice

Could somebody quickly go in an fix it?

@eonfge "die" is singular for "dice" we can modify if you like but that is why I let it go.

Ow, I wasn't even sure about that. Thanks for the info and support.

Goes to show that I do get a bit nervous on the day of publication. It's a lot of fun to write something for others, but it also makes you quite self-conscious.

I can empathize with the "jitters". Publication makes me second guess things I've written, even when I have known them for ages.